Thursday, February 21, 2013

One month...

...or, four weeks, really. It's been 28 days since I've started hormones, to be exact. Given that a specified amount of time has gone by, as many people do, I'm feeling the urge be introspective.

Do I feel any different? Well, yes and no.

I haven't noticed any overt physical changes, although a partner has told me that my skin seems softer. There was some excitement a few days ago, when I had a small pain in my right chest muscle, but it turns out I had just pulled a muscle. I feel impatient looking into the mirror, seeing no change and a stubbly man staring back at me, but that's just my impatience. Some people start to see physical changes over a period of two months, some over a few years, some never. It's strange to wait to go through puberty all over again.

I feel less inclined towards visual sexual stimulation than before, but that's been on the decline anyway. When I do watch (and I'm now even more selective than I used to be), my imagination almost always puts me in the body of the woman in the video.

I feel somewhat more empathetic. I find myself crying a bit more, and not being able to control it as easily. There's also been stress from other factors, and I feel less able to simply cope with the stress than I used to.

Planning to do more to help myself feel more authentic is in the works, and I'll continue to do so in various small ways, but for now, I feel like I'm in a holding pattern. Living some more life is the only cure for this impatience.

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